E meet’s S – By E
September 28, 2013
I met S earlier this year in a beach city off the coast of Mexico. There was instant attraction. I couldn’t keep my eyes or hands off of him. We were both with friends and spent the entire day together. At this time I was not in an open relationship or had discussed it with J. J has been in one and has had other sex partners but I never explored that. I was flirting and that’s as far as I was going to take it. I gave him my card and I really didn’t think I was going to hear from S and I had no intention of contacting him either. The next morning I woke to find several emails from S. And so it began….
I found out that S was in a relationship with another woman and also had a child that was just born. His partner was in the states and so it made things easy for us to spend time together. And we spent allot of time together. He would call and I would go. It was full on NRE – new relationship energy. Nothing else mattered. I could be at dinner with J and the kids and if I got a text to meet, I would go. I would blow off friends and family for a few hours with S. My work suffered and I was full in!
S and I come from very similar backgrounds. I can identify with his childhood and he can do the same with mine. We both struggled as children with drug abusive parents. We have a connection and an understanding or at least I do. This also brings huge emotional deficiencies. Actually I dont think either one of us can communicate our feelings at all. When we are together we go to a place of non reality. Its comforting for me. It feels safe. J does not understand this. He sees it as being irresponsible and selfish.
I am also struggling with the fact that he is not in an open relationship and that his partner does not know. This being my first secondary relationship I feel a bit lost. I have told myself to never ever do this again with a partner.
J was having a very difficult time with my new relationship. This was the first time I think he felt threatened or worried about our relationship. Something I have felt on numerous occasions with J. J downloaded books that he insisted I listen to. He made endless rules about what he was and wasn’t comfortable with. I broke them all. I did a lot of things that hurt him. I think apart of me was feeling relieved that he finally was feeling and seeing what I had been going through our entire marriage. I was captivated with S, I couldn’t get enough. I would watch J cry and hurt and I continued to do what made me happy. Things are calmer now. I have learned how to manage my emotions about S and J. I am balancing myself between 2 men and I actually really enjoy it.
When I started this relationship with S I told him about my open relationship, and that I wanted a partner that I could have fun with, spend time with and be a part of his life in some way. I need someone to care for and to love. I needed a man in my life. A man I could give myself to without restraint. I know that I want to be with S, I want to experience life with him.