Category: J and X – Open partners

J and X 1st date of our open relationship. By J

What I was looking for in a partner.

Now that I am 40 I think I have started to realize just what I may want in a potential partner.  Even though E doesn’t provide me with these things that’s OK, I get plenty of other things from her.

1. My partner has to be submissive.   I have to know that I am important in their lives and they want to make me happy.

2. I am looking for someone who is not always at the party, I am interested in stable and meaningful relationships to benefit each partner and help growth.

3. I would like a long term partner.

The beginning, X meets J.

X and I met online on a dating website.  I was attracted to X after reading her profile, it was genuine and it seemed like she was very concerned about visitors knowing a lot about her.  Her profile stood out from others and I found she lived a distance away but wasn’t too far. I also have been struggling with the fact that I prefer a submissive woman over a dominant.  E, my wife is definitely dominant in the real world and I think we two dominants clash as a married couple.  X on the other hand is a total submissive and I could tell just by reading her profile online,  there are also several questions she answered on the dating site that indicated to me she was submissive so I decided to write her.

After she responded I wrote to her again.  I wanted to make sure that anyone I began dating knew my open relationship situation.  It was important to me that my partner knew the truth about everything.  She responded favorably and we began talking.  We decided that we wanted to meet in person and I had my mother visiting so I wanted to try and meet X before mom showed up for 2-3 weeks.  I felt that I had a small window of time to do this or she may lose interest and go somewhere else while I was tied up with mom for almost a month.  I wanted to get the meeting out of the way to determine if we were going to be compatible as partners.

I think it had only been 9 days or something like that.  I made arrangements to leave on one day, taking a bus to visit X and meet in person.  I would return the next day to prepare for receiving my mother at my house back in my home city, mom lives in the United States and visits once per year on average.  The bus ride to visit X is 4.5 hours each way which meant I would spend 9 hours in two days just traveling.  I would arrange for a hotel so X was comfortable knowing I wasn’t trying to stay at her house.  She has her children every other week so we need to manage my visits if we continue around those times when the kids are with their father.

I didn’t get nervous until I reached the bus station.  Upon entering I waited a few minutes but she wasn’t there.  She called me, I could tell she was frustrated because she did not arrive before me.  There was a sound of desperation in her voice, she didn’t know where I was.  Then I saw her through the glass doors, we smiled and walked toward each other.  Later we talked about this moment, how we knew everything was going to be fine just upon seeing each other.  It was kind of eerie.

X turns out to be submissive.

We spent the first night together by the beach, talking and discussing a range of topics from sex to submission, her family and mine.  One great thing about open relationships is that when everyone is honest there’s nothing you cant talk about.  Within 7 hours of seeing each other we had began discussing private topics with each other.

The conversation moved fast but we were both comfortable and we started talking about the subject of her submissiveness, how she feels like she needs to please people in order to be happy with herself.  I really didn’t understand it at the time but I am starting to now.  We discussed even starting a Dominant / submissive relationship in the bedroom, something that neither of us have really ever done.  She admitted to me that it had been over 3 years since she had an orgasm with someone else and she told me she wasn’t going to fake them because she had been for years and was tired of it.  I have plenty of confidence sexually so that was fine with me.  Even though it was a first date we were completely comfortable with everything and talked about some things that are probably not normal for a first date.

We went to dinner together, shared a plate of steak and drank sangria at a local steak house, returned to my hotel and before long were sexual with each other.  Everything was very comfortable and we were excited to begin a new relationship together.  In fact we actually had discussed this and made the decision at the beach condo before even going to dinner.  We hadn’t even had our fist date yet and we decided we were going to be a couple.

See what happened the 2nd date.