“Do you want an Open Relationship” By E
September 27, 2013
Hi, Let me introduce myself. I’m E in the web of this thing we call an open relationship. Primary partner to J if you haven’t been keeping up…. and in a my first experience with a secondary relationship with S.
I remember the day, time and exact moment that we agreed to open up or relationship. I remember being hesitant about it. Those 6 words coming out of his mouth….”Do you want an open relationship?” It wasn’t foreign language to me. We had talked about it in the past, and have had some experience with it already. In my mind I believed we were no longer walking down that path. But something made me agree to it. Or maybe it was someone….S. *Another post about meeting S coming soon…
I have always had an understanding about what men want and need when it comes to the desires for other woman. 17 years with J and watching him watch women, go to strip clubs *usually me on his arm, making comments and some infidelity on his and my part has brought me to a place of acceptance over the years. Acceptance that my husband was not and would not ever be monogamous.
It is who he is. I know that there have been some guilty feelings on his part. Just a few short months ago he had to tell me something. Something that was eating away at him. I knew what he was about to say. There was a list of incidents where he was sexual with other woman. J is an honest man. He needed to tell me and I think being in an open relationship allows him to be honest with himself and with me. That is important to both of us.
J and I are also very very different specimens! Our star signs even suggest that we are oil and water. Should not mix. But we have something that holds us together. We have an understanding about that. For instance I need to be social and busy. My friends are my family and I feel good about myself when I am surrounded by other people. Engaging with them and learning about them.
J on the other hand would much rather keep things mellow and quiet. He is content just being alone or alone with me on the beach. We don’t really like the same things either..I love watching sports, I think it makes his skin crawl to watch it, just to name a few things. We are however raising a family and running a business together and we are good at it. Our children are our priority and he is a good father to them.
The thought of having an open relationship again was scary at first, only because I was too familiar with the deep emotions that go along with it. The insecurities, the jealousy, the pain and tears. So many feelings that take over your world. It gets easier each time. Why would I put myself through that again! I do it for a a few reasons.
1. I want J to be happy and fulfilled in life and I know that I do not provide him with all of the emotional support that he needs.
2 I want to experience all that this life has to offer me.
3. I want to feel love, laughter and anything else that another person can give me and I can give them.
4. I want to be honest with my partners and accepting of their needs and to give them the freedom to be who they are.
Among a few other things…. I think that by already being in a relationship with S has helped me cope with what J is now doing with X. We continue to work through feelings and emotions. Mostly mine now, but it is ever evolving. I truly believe this is the path for me to take right now in my life today.