Tag: partners

It’s A Ripple Effect – By E

J arrived home after his “virtual date” and his energy was waaayyy off as soon as he walked in the door. I was so happy to have him home. I was super proud that I worked through my emotions and just wanted to give him my love and tenderness when he got here. That was not that case tonight. I don’t know what happened except that the communication was bad with X because of internet problems or something. I have known this man for almost 20 years and know with every fiber in my body when he is not okay, and tonight that was the case.

At first I thought it was something I did.  I had asked him if he could pick something up from the store for me and when I asked him for it he had forgot. No big deal. But then he said something like “I wish you would take care of your own needs” or something along those lines and it hurt. I wasn’t expecting that. Then saying something about the family that I took in a very negative way. It was like everything that came out of my mouth made him angry and upset. He often talks about wanting to take care of me and that its important to him, I know he is upset about something else and he wont talk to me about it and whatever it is, its effecting our relationship. A ripple from his date with X.

I tried to talk to him about it but he just smiled and chuckled a little bit. He took a shower and went right to sleep. Now I am sitting here trying to piece it all together. Its not fair that I have to be effected but this is definitely part of the Poly lifestyle and the intertwined relationships I guess. Often times when I am sad or hurt about things going on with S it effects how I come across to J or how I interact with him. I think its important to recognize this and have some understanding and to be sensitive.

Tonight could have turned into a huge fight with J and me. Instead I just need to give him his space and let him process whatever is going on. I hope that we talk about it or at least talk about how it is effecting me and him.